


Surviving Abyss

by karenninaaa



Series: Family Ties [3]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Biological Dad AU, Dad!Tony, Gen, Iron!Dad, Severe anxiety attack, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, biological son AU, sort of angst again, spider!son
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-04 21:20:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17312063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karenninaaa/pseuds/karenninaaa
Summary: Sequel to Falling into the Abyss. In which Tony Stark faces his own nightmares.





	Surviving Abyss

**Author's Note:**

> I highly suggest reading Falling Into the Abyss first before you read this one because this wouldn't make any sense if you haven't read Falling into Abyss.
> 
> Huge thanks to Gammathetaalpha for beta-ed chapter!

**Surviving Abyss**

“Brent Clarkson is one among many gifted interns that work at Stark Industries,” Director Spencer said to Tony after he had briefly explained Brent’s background. “And yes, I will admit that he came up with one incredible invention.”

Director Spencer sat at the head of the table, while Tony sat adjacent to him. They were inside a conference room. Tony had made an appointment with the head of the Stark Industries Youth and Science Development program, William Spencer, one afternoon. After his son had mentioned the other intern and his project, it had piqued Tony’s interest. He had set up the meeting at Stark Industries with the purpose of learning more about the kid.

“Right, he’s an Einstein in the making.” Tony straightened in his seat. “And he invented some awesome stuff. So why did you reject his project?”

Spencer leaned forward and clasped his hands together on the table. “Mr. Stark, do you know what project he was working on?”

“Yep, an adaptation of my BARF sunglasses.”

“He called it SPT-01, an acronym for Senso-Projection Therapy.”

“Phew, that’s an even better acronym than BARF.”

“That might be true, but there was also something disturbing about his project.”

“Disturbing?” Tony frowned.

“SPT-01 targets the hippocampus through highly modified sensory scanners to project your worst fears and trauma in 3D, in hopes that in facing them, you’ll be able to also overcome them,” Spencer explained. “And I don’t know if he knew it, but after I did some further research on his project, I learned that SPT-01 doesn’t only target the hippocampus, but also stimulates the amygdala, which could potentially spark an even more irrational fear. Think about what it would do to the people who already have an unstable mind or a mental illness. This project could benefit some, but we don’t know yet the extent of its side effects on others. Worst is, it could be used as a weapon; playing with your own fears and weaknesses and exploiting your past.” There was sudden sadness looming over the old man’s face. “And I’m afraid that Brent is really using it for all the wrong reasons. That’s why I halted his project.”

Soon after their meeting, the two men were walking side by side along the corridor.

“Just, uh, keep an eye on that kid.” Tony put on his sunglass as he looked up ahead. “If he wants, we can get him in contact with some professionals who will help him not just bottle up everything inside.”

Director smiled at him. “Of course, Mr. Stark, I’ll talk to him about it. Also, the decision I made about his project is not permanent. At some point, I would like to restore his project. Who knows? With some modifications, his work could be truly remarkable.”

Tony nodded as the two of them paused at the end of the hallway. He gazed at the latter man. After the bombing at Stark Industries recently, Tony had learned that this man in front of him was one of the many people he had failed. Spencer’s family had died in the Battle of New York when the Chitauris had attacked the city, while Spencer was on a Stark Industries business-related trip in Europe. Iron Man had tried his best to save the people caught in the crossfire, but obviously, it hadn’t been enough. Now, Tony was seeing the consequences of him not being enough:  he was seeing a man who was now all alone, and almost certainly still grieving for his loss.  Tony had met a lot of people like Spencer, who were now family-less because they were the unfortunate casualties while the Avengers were off playing hero. Their cries and agony were still vivid for Tony. Their voices haunted him in his sleep.

“Uh, Mr. Stark is there something wrong . . . ?” Spencer tried his best not to look awkward when he noticed Tony staring at him.

“Nothing.” Tony smiled. “So how’s life? How’s your job here?”

Director Spencer looked taken aback that someone like Tony Stark was showing interest into a stranger’s life. Nonetheless, he answered. “I’m good . . . And work’s still great. I love looking out for our interns here and helping them set up the path for their future. Thanks for asking.”

Tony nodded in acknowledgment.

“I should probably go . . .” Spencer trailed off.

“Oh yeah, of course,” Tony said. “I’m sorry. I’m keeping you beyond your working hours.  . .”

Spencer suddenly laughed. “It’s not like that, and I don’t think I’m going home anytime soon. I still have loads of paperwork on my desk, so I’m probably going to be in my office for a few more hours.”

“God, you are a workaholic maniac aren’t you? If you haven’t received any awards from the HR department for your unparalleled dedication, I’m going to personally demand the HR do their job.”

At which, Spencer laughed again, “I appreciate that, really. Besides, there’s nothing much to do back at home when I live alone . . .”

Tony’s smile slipped off. It felt like salt had been poured into his gaping, never healing wound. For Spencer, it was probably an off-handed comment. The man didn’t know Tony well enough to notice how Tony’s carefully plastered façade slipped off and cracked. Not even those who knew him well were able to see him spiraling deeper and deeper into the black, gaping chasm within him.

_He’s alone because you didn’t do enough._

The tiny voice inside of him hissed the words accusingly. The words widened the hollow hole within him.

Spencer said his polite goodbye and walked off in another direction.

As Tony watched Spencer’s retreating figure, the tiny voices continued to whisper his crimes. He handled it how he always did. He just listened, and never fought back, no matter how painful and bad those whispers got. As time had gone by, he had learned to function with it, as the accusing voices slowly became part of him.

Phone in hand, Tony walked across the lobby. He called Peter to see if he was still at Stark Industries so they could go home together, but the teen didn’t pick up. Tony frowned. He was in the middle of dialing Peter’s number again when his gaze unintentionally landed on the ceiling to foot glass window of the lobby, to his left. He halted. There, two familiar teenagers were standing by the window, right outside. It was Harley and Ned. They seemed to be in the middle of a conversation and like Tony, they were also holding their respective phones.

Tony approached the window.  He knocked on it, trying to get the attention of the teens. And it worked, as the latter two whipped their heads in Tony’s direction. Before Tony could do anything more, the two instantly ran back inside and towards him.

“You’re incomplete, where’s Porthos? He’s not answering his phone,” Tony asked when the teens had reached him.

“He was with us earlier, but he had to go back to the lab to get his phone, and he never came back. It’s almost been half an hour now,” Harley said. “We figured that his phone’s battery is dead again. We were about to go look for him in the lab when you came.”

Tony straightened up, rolling his eyes. “He has dozens of power banks and chargers. It’s beyond me why he doesn’t charge his phone. Come on, let’s see if he accidentally glued himself to the wall or something.” He ushered the teens towards the lab.

They stopped in the hallway, in front of the lab. They all looked through the transparent walls. It was completely pitch black inside and it looked like the place was deserted.

“I don’t think Peter is in there,” Ned said hesitantly.

“Yeah, no kidding kid.” Tony looked around as if trying to find something. His gaze stopped at the camera attached on the corner of the ceiling not far from where they were standing. He pulled out his phone and started typing on it. Then he flicked the screen of his phone, and from it, a holographic screen materialized in the air. It was video footage. 

“So according to our little guy up there . . .” Tony trailed off. They watched the footage as a young blond man, dressed casually like an intern, appeared on the footage. He was walking in the same hallway they were in now. He was carrying a laptop and a small rectangular device.

“That’s Brent.” Harley frowned.

Then another person appeared, peeking through the door of the lab. It was Peter. He watched Brent curiously for a bit, a frown growing on his face. Soon, Peter followed Brent into the lab. Then the two of them went out of the frame. Tony flicked his phone once again and another video footage appeared on the holographic screen. It was from another camera. From that, they watched Brent enter a small room off to the side. After a second, Peter followed him inside.

“What’s that room and where is it?” Tony asked.

“It’s the Simulation Room around the corner,” Ned answered.

Tony swiped his index finger across the holographic screen. The video fast forwarded, until it arrived at present time. Peter and Brent had not come out of the room.

“They shouldn’t be at the lab when it’s beyond internship hours. They are so going to be toast if our internship supervisor Miss Rose finds out,” Harley said.

“Why don’t we find out why they are being rebellious interns?” Tony glanced at Harley and Ned, tucking his phone in his pocket.

The two teens just shrugged but agreed on the idea. The three set off for the Simulation Room. When they reached the firmly shut door, Harley stepped forward to swipe his badge on the small screen beside the door. A long beeping sound came from the screen. Big bold letters in red that said LOCKED were displayed on the screen.

“What the freaking fudge!” Harley gaped. “It’s supposed to say ACCESS, not LOCKED.”

Ned couldn’t help but let out a small snicker. “Dude, what, you got kicked out of the internship already?”

Harley tried to swipe his badge again but got the same result. He faced Ned. “What about you? Why don’t you try it, then?”

Ned walked towards the screen and swiped his badge. The screen’s display didn’t change. The word ‘LOCKED’ flashed across it again.

“Now look who got kicked out of the internship too.” Harley looked smugly at Ned.

“But how can we get locked out when Brent and Peter are inside?” Ned wondered out loud.

“That’s a good point, kid,” Tony said, who was standing behind them with his hands clasped in front of him. The teens looked at Tony, who seemed to be contemplating something, a disturbed frown on his face. “And I’m getting a bad feeling that there’s something going on here.”

“Can I borrow your phone?” Harley asked Tony. “Obviously, you have access to all of the systems here. Maybe we can figure out what’s happening?”

“Of course, I have access to all the systems here, who do you think I am?” Tony fished out his phone from the inside pocket of his coat. He gave the phone to Harley.

Harley started tapping on the phone. After a moment, he looked up at Tony. “There’s a bug in the lock system of this door.”

Tony whistled appreciatively. “That was a fast diagnosis, doc.”

“And fortunately for us, only this door’s system is bugged,” Ned added, who was standing beside Harley and looking at the phone that the latter teen was holding. “But who would do that and why?” The two glanced up at Tony.

Tony narrowed his eyes. “Uhh, probably someone from the inside doesn’t want anyone to get in.”

“It can’t be Peter,” Ned said.

“Brent.  . .” Harley trailed off. “But why, I don’t understand. What should we do?”

“Get Director Spencer, he’s still in his office. Report to him what’s going on. Send him down here,” Tony ordered. “And give me back my phone. I can bypass this door’s security for a few seconds, but once I’m inside, we’ll probably be locked out once again. You two will debug the system in the lab after calling Director Spencer. Got it?”

“Got it,” Ned and Harley confirmed simultaneously. Harley gave back Tony’s phone to him. Then the two set off running, out of the lab and down the hall.

Meanwhile, Tony started bypassing the door’s security on his phone. He looked up. The small screen beside the door lit green. ACCESS was displayed on the screen.

“Hooray,” Tony muttered, as the door slid open. He cautiously went inside.

The first thing Tony noticed was a holographic projection of himself, lying unconscious on the pavement. Around him was an empty, shadowy street, tall building looming above the scene. It was scarily realistic. Tony felt like he was watching himself bleed to death.  Confusion made his eyebrows knit together in a frown. If Tony believed in prophecies about the future, he might have thought he was being shown a vision of his future. Before he could analyze more of what on earth was going on, he heard a voice. He turned at the source of the voice.

A few feet away, there were two figures. One was lying on the pavement and the other one was crouching beside the other figure. Tony cursed when he immediately recognized them.

“Parker, wake up!” Brent was tapping Peter’s cheek lightly.

“What happened to him?” Tony kneeled on the other side of Peter.

Brent looked up, momentarily frozen by another presence he hadn’t noticed coming.

“Kid!” Tony snapped Brent out of his thoughts. “What the hell happened? Is he hurt? Are you hurt?” He checked Peter’s pulse on the neck. It was beating. He visibly sighed in relief. His kid was alive and that was all that mattered.

“H-he just fainted, I think, after he saw you, I-I mean the projection of you getting shot.” Brent tried to explain. “I’m not hurt. . . . I am so sorry! I didn’t mean this to happen to Peter, I swear.” Panic was evident in Brent’s voice and eyes. His eyes were wide and his voice was an octave higher than normal. He was hyperventilating, as if he was also on the verge of collapsing, just like Peter.

“Hey, hey, kid, calm down,” Tony said in a soft voice. “No one is blaming you, pal, breathe. Come on, breathe with me. In through the nose and out through the mouth.”

Brent obeyed Tony. Soon, the young intern began to collect himself.

When Tony noticed this, he started to ask questions. “What happened, why was I there bleeding to death?” He jerked his thumb in the direction of his own projection.

“It’s Peter’s fear.”

“Okay,” Tony breathed. “So SPT-01, right-?” Brent’s surprise at Tony’s knowledge of his project was evident on his face. Tony continued. “It shows your deepest fears in hopes of overcoming them. Now, how do we turn this thing off-”

All of a sudden, their surroundings started to shift.

“W-we can’t turn it off,” Brent stuttered.

“Why? And what’s happening again-?” Tony froze when a big brown centipede-looking flew over Brent’s head. They both instinctively ducked. Tony looked around. His heart started to speed up when he realized that they were surrounded by wreckage and Chitauris.

“I-is that your fear, Mr. Stark?” Brent dared to ask.

Tony’s sharp gaze turned at Brent. His voice was hard. “How do we turn this off?”

“I-I told you we can’t turn this off! There’s a glitch on my programming. I can’t control it with my remote anymore. Now it’s just automatically showing everyone’s fear.”

Tony cursed. He tried so hard not to look at the Chitauris surrounding them. He felt chills starting to crawl across his skin. His chest started to tighten.

“M-mr. Stark... .?”

He glanced at Brent, who was looking at him with wide eyes. Then he glanced down at his son, still unconscious. He squeezed Peter’s arm for strength because his fears were starting to get the best of him and he couldn’t let that happen. He was the adult the kids were relying on. They needed him. No, Tony would not be crippled by his own nightmares.

At least at that moment.

“Where is your laptop? I saw you with a laptop on the footage, where is it?” Tony asked. “We need to shut it down.”

“It’s around here.” Brent tried to be helpful. “But the whole 3D projection will warp our sense of direction. It’s hard to distinguish where exactly the table with my laptop is.”

“Kid, you’re giving me no choice but to blow off every corner of this room just to shut down your laptop,” Tony said in a strained voice. A bead of sweat slid from his temple.

“I-I’m sorry. . .”

Tony activated his wristwatch. Then it morphed into a gauntlet. “I’ll just compensate for your laptop later and you’ll have to redo your project. Hope you had it backed up.” Tony stood up and raised his gauntlet-clothed hand, in position to fire at every direction to shut down Brent’s laptop. He ignored how close the Chitauris seemed, how they were invading his personal space.

But then he noticed two new figures entering the scene. One was a woman and the other was a girl, probably around nine years old. They were running away, dodging shots and blows from the Chitauris. Tony frowned even more. Who were they? He’d never seen them before in his life. He put down his arm.

“Susan, Ally?”

Tony whipped his head in the direction of the voice. Director Spencer was standing in the distance, dazedly staring at the projection of the two women. It dawned upon Tony that the projection was also showing the director’s fear –no, trauma, alongside with his, because the two women were the Director’s family.

“Director Spencer, they aren’t real,” Tony reminded him, but it was too late. Tears began to pour out of Spencer’s eyes. He staggered toward his family.

“Spencer,” Tony called out.

When Spencer reached his family, he tried to hug them but ended up grabbing the empty space around him. As the scene progressed, one of the Chitauris caught up with his family and ultimately killed them.

This didn’t make any sense. Spencer hadn’t been in New York when the invasion had happened.

“E-every night, I can’t help but imagine how they were killed,” Spencer spoke in a hollow voice, staring at the projection of his family’s broken, lifeless bodies. “Did they suffer? Or did their death happen fast enough that they didn’t feel a thing?” He turned towards Tony. His eyes, his voice, were desperate and pleading. “Mr. Stark, please end our nightmares.”

As Tony stared at Spencer, he could see Spencer’s own chasm churning within him. Tony could see the emptiness in his eyes, how his shoulders sagged in defeat. Tony could see the sadness slowly consuming him.

Something in Tony’s chest clenched, as whispers of his own failures and shortcomings as a hero shouted louder in his ears.

_You didn’t do enough._

“Get down,” Tony ordered. Spencer followed his instructions, quickly crouching. Tony raised his gauntlet covered hand, and fired in every direction. There was a crash, and the shattering of metal, and suddenly the projection disappeared. Tony’s surroundings turned gray. There was smoke everywhere. Brent’s laptop was charred and also smoking as it sat on the floor by the smashed table. There was a blaring fire alarm, and the fire sprinklers were activated, dousing the four in freezing cold water.

“W-what happened here?” Harley stood by the door, coughing and waving away the smoke with his hand. Ned was behind him. “We heard the sound of an explosion and immediately went here.”

“No time for explanation, kid.” Tony picked up Peter’s limp body and strode towards the door. “Move,” he told the small crowd that had gathered at the door.

Tony found himself in the company clinic, wiping and drying off Peter’s face with a towel that had been given to him by the nurse. His son was lying on one of the cots that the clinic provided. He had managed to get Peter out of his soaking wet hoodie. Aside from his hoodie, his other remaining clothes hadn’t gotten soaked entirely. They would dry off in a short amount of time. Meanwhile, Tony’s coat was hanging on the coat rack in the corner to dry off too.

“He’s really okay, right?” Ned asked worriedly. He and Harley stood over Peter’s bed like a pair of mother hens. “Why hasn’t he woken up yet?”

Tony paused, looking up at the teens. “The Doc said that he’s fine. He hasn’t slept properly lately, so he’s probably making up for it.”

There was a distant clink of heels. The door burst open as Pepper Potts strode into the room, in her signature crisp business suit and pumps. Her elegant, professional attire was a stark contrast to her tired eyes and concerned frown as she looked at everybody else.

“I heard what happened,” Pepper announced. Then her eyes glanced down at Peter on the cot.  She went towards the cot and sat down on the edge. She gently squeezed Peter’s hand.

“Is Peter okay?” She asked Tony softly.

“Yeah, he’s fine, he was just sleeping,” Tony answered, putting the damp towel down on the bedside table.

“How about you two?” Pepper gazed at the two teens standing on the other side of the cot.

“Yeah, we’re fine, Ms. Potts,” Ned answered politely. Harley nodded in agreement.

Pepper sighed. “I was in the meeting when it all happened.”

“How’s Brent Clarkson?” Tony asked.

“He’s with Director Spencer,” Pepper informed him. “Director Spencer already briefed me about what had happened and I told him to do whatever is needed to help Mr. Clarkson.”

Tony nodded, satisfied. “Thank you.”

Pepper reached out for his hand with her other hand, as she continued to stare at him. “You okay?”

Tony just squeezed her hand in reassurance. “Yeah, I am.”

Pepper’s eyes lingered on him. A concerned frown emerged. Tony avoided her gaze. “Uh, the kids should also get going. It’s late.” He nudged his head towards Ned and Harley.

She continued to study him worriedly, before standing up. “Right, kids, let’s get you home. And when Peter wakes up, go home without me. I have to talk again to Director Spencer and I have a client call scheduled later.”

“Alright, just don’t overwork yourself.” Tony gave her a brief kiss on the lips.

“Come on Ned, Harley.” Pepper ushered them out. The teens seemed reluctant to go, casting concerned glances at sleeping, Peter. Tony reassured them that he would give them both an update when their best buddy woke up.

When they were gone, Tony turned his attention to Peter and brushed away the curls that were falling over his eyes. Peter was still sound asleep. He walked towards the coat rack to get his coat. It was already dry. He was in the middle of putting it on when there was a knock at the door. He paused. The door opened. Director Spencer was at the door with Brent Clarkson in tow.

“We just wanted to check in on Peter, and Brent wanted to see him before he goes home,” Director Spencer said.

Tony shrugged on his coat. “Sure come in.” Director Spencer and Brent went in as Tony spoke. “Though, he hasn’t woken up yet.”

“He’s not seriously injured or anything, right?” Brent asked looking at Peter. They stopped at the foot of the cot.

“Don’t worry, he’s good. He’s just sleeping,” Tony answered.

“I’m sorry,” Brent said, as he gazed down at his sneakers. He fidgeted with the straps of his backpack. “I didn’t mean to cause any trouble. I just. . .” He swallowed unable to continue.

Tony walked up to the young teen and clapped him on the back. “We’re good. Sometimes people do things when they’re angry or sad. The important thing is that you’re aware of what you’ve done and you’ve learned something because of it.”

Brent looked at him with wide eyes.

“Just look after yourself and get better.” Tony smiled at him. “You’re always welcome here at Stark Industries.”

“T-thank you, Mr. Stark.” Brent was evidently speechless.

“Brent, will you leave us alone for a sec, I just need to talk to Mr. Stark. Wait for me outside,” Director Spencer said. Brent obeyed as he headed for the door and closed the door behind.

Director Spencer turned to him. “He was so afraid that you would be angry at him, considering what happened to your son. I’m sure what you did mean a lot to him.” He smiled.

“It’s not his fault,” Tony said. “I mean, there was a glitch in his program. That’s why I had to blast the entire room.”

Spencer continued to smile. “Yeah, and he’s going to take a break from the internship for the time being.”

“Great idea, he needs that to cool down,” Tony agreed.

“And from what you said earlier, I assume he’s free to come back anytime?”

“Absolutely.”

“Thank you, Mr. Stark,” Spencer said gratefully. “I should get going. Brent is waiting outside.”

Before Tony could lose his chance and his guts, he blurted out what was on the forefront of his mind. “I’m sorry.”

Spencer looked taken aback. He blinked. “For what?”

“About your family,” Tony answered. “I should have said that a long time ago. I could have saved them, but I failed. I’m sorry.”

“Mr. Stark, can you repeat what you just told me about Brent’s program?” Spencer asked.

Tony frowned confusedly. “I’m sorry? I said a lot of things about his program-”

“That it’s not his fault,” Spencer cut in. “That there was a glitch in his program, right? I’m using your own words. It’s not your fault. It was the aliens who invaded us and massacred a lot of people, including my own family. Yes, it might be your job to save people and you did. You flew a nuke into a wormhole and saved millions. A lot of people could have died, including me, including your son, if you hadn’t done that. For that reason, I want you to know that you didn’t fail and I have never blamed you for my family’s death.”

The director’s words were a small comfort compared to the past that still haunted him, namely Ultron, and other traumas that had scarred him beyond repair. For him, there was just a permanent stain of blood on his hands that could never be wiped off. In spite of that, Tony tried to give him a grateful smile.

“Thank you, Director.”

“Mr. Stark.” Spencer studied him thoughtfully. “I just want you to know that you’re not the rich, arrogant, billionaire playboy that the world sees you as. They’re wrong about you.”

Before the genius billionaire could react, Spencer was clapping him on the back, bidding him farewell. Tony was left rooted on the spot. He stiffly walked back towards the cot to wait for his son to wake up. The director’s words lingered for a moment until it was pushed back in the corner of his mind when Peter woke up and asked him what had happened. This brought back memories of the Chitauris and space once again.

He tried to evade some of his son’s question because the thought of the Chitauris and space still freaked him out. Maybe there would come a time when he would have to face his worst fears. He knew he couldn’t avoid them forever. What he saw beyond the wormhole was proof that it wasn’t over. But until then, he would keep his distance.

Then before he knew it, the car was pulling over in front of his son’s apartment. Peter offered him to come inside. It was so tempting to accept it, just to distract himself from the fiasco earlier. His son was one of the biggest distractions, alongside Pepper. But Peter had already had a long night, so Tony refused the offer and told Peter goodnight. 

He’d just wait for Pepper and tinker while he waited for her.

But as their car rounded the corner, he could no longer control his shaking hands. The constriction in his chest was back. He couldn’t breathe. The memories of what happened in the Simulation room were suddenly vivid. Tony was paralyzed with fear.

“Boss, you all right?” Happy eyed him through the rearview mirror.

Tony swallowed. “Stop the car,” he whispered hoarsely.

“What?”

“Pull over, damn it.” Then he was fumbling to activate his wristwatch. He couldn’t stay in the car anymore. There wasn’t enough air. He was suffocating.

Happy swerved off the road and pulled over. There was a beeping sound on Tony’s wristwatch. Nanites started to cover his body as Tony jerked the car door open. His wristwatch was a poor choice to house his nanites. It wasn’t stable and not enough to power an entire suit, especially for combat purposes. The Mark 48 was useless in a fight, but Tony liked having it with him. No, he needed it with him. It was a talisman that warded off his anxiety and paranoia.

“Tony, wait!” Happy shouted.

There were a few people on the sidewalk that stopped and gawked at him. Once he was fully encased in armor, he blasted off into the sky.

Time blurred.

He remembered stumbling over his lab sans his suit.

Friday spoke up. “Boss, you are currently experiencing a severe anxiety attack, do you want me to call-”

“Mute, mute.” Tony staggered over to the table, gripping it to steady himself. But it was a useless attempt. His knees buckled up, and he slid down to the floor. He shrugged off his coat, hoping it would lessen the tightness in his chest. There still wasn’t enough air. Tony was going numb. He crawled on his hands and knees in a random direction. He needed to move. He wanted to _feel_ his own body and not be succumbed to the numbing sensation rendering him helpless.

_Stark, you know that’s a one-way trip._

_You didn’t do enough._

_You murdered him in Sokovia._

_And I blame you._

He was sweating buckets and he felt like he was being strangled. He reached the shelf in the corner as he gasped for air. He felt so weak that he just sprawled on the floor and closed his eyes. He couldn’t breathe. There was no air. Why wasn’t there enough air in the _goddamn room_?

Then dizziness took over. The world faded into black, and he just wanted to shut his eyes for a little…

Until a voice broke him out of his stupor.

“DAD!”

Someone lifted him off the ground and was trying to sit him upright with his back against the shelf. That someone was tapping his cheeks lightly and repeatedly.

“Dad, dad, please wake up.”

Tony opened his eyes. In front of him, his son Peter was looking worriedly at him, with wide brown eyes.

“Dad, can you hear me? I’ll call a medic. I’ll call Mom. Does anything hurt? What do I do?” His voice was in a rushed panic.

Tony swallowed and shook his head. He tried to whisper, “M’ okay. Why . . .  why you here?”

He really was okay. He could feel the air again, circulating through the room, into his lungs and out through his nose.

“I’m worried about you!” There were tears threatening to fall from his son’s eyes.

He frowned at that. He didn’t like seeing his son cry. He extended his arm weakly. “C’mere,”

Then Peter tackled him in a tight hug. The younger Stark sniffed.

“Stop crying,” Tony coaxed. “I’m really okay.”

“You were lying down on the floor! Your eyes were shut!” Peter protested. “I thought something terrible had happened to you! You weren’t even answering your phone.”

Tony smiled thinly at that. “Now you know what it feels like when you don’t answer your phone when I call you.”

Peter tightened his hug. “I’m sorry.”

Tony just ruffled his hair. He put his arm around his son’s shoulder. Peter continued to hug him tightly. The tightness of his hug was grounding Tony back in reality. It was a lifeline pulling him away from the dark chasm his mind had built for him. He felt his heartbeat slowing back down to its normal rhythm and the constriction in his chest disappeared.

“Are you sure you don’t want to see a medic or something?” Peter mumbled. His cheek pressed against Tony’s shirt.

“Nah, I don’t wanna move. It’s pretty comfy here.”

Silence.

Tony looked down at Peter. “Hey bud, you asleep? You should move to your bed.”

Peter shook his head. “I’m not gonna leave you here.”

“Okay, let’s just stay here for a few more minutes.” A pause. “When did Harley tell you?”

“About what?” His son mumbled.

“That I tend to freak out when aliens are mentioned.”

“Not too long ago.”

Then another realization dawned on Tony. “Wait, is that why you stopped watching Star Wars when we’re together?”

“Yeah.”

“I can handle aliens in cheesy costumes, so let’s just watch Stars Wars.” Tony patted his son’s shoulder. “I kinda miss Chewie.”

With that, Peter smiled.

“Tony? Peter?” There was a sudden voice. The familiar click of heels echoed around.

“Hey, hon?” Tony called. “We’re here.”

Then Pepper emerged. There was a worried frown on her face. She looked down at them, still entangled in a hug. “I saw Happy outside. He said that you were in some sort of trouble.”

“No, we’re fine,” Tony said. “Look, we’re just having some bonding time. Come join us.”

“Wha-?”

Peter grinned at her. “Come here, mom. Dad needs to recharge. He needs a hug.”

“Yeah, the battery’s out,” Tony agreed. “I need more boost, come here.”

“Okay,” Pepper removed her heels and discarded them in the corner of the room. “Let’s give your dad a boost.” She joined them, sitting on the other side of Tony. She leaned into Tony as he wrapped his other arm around her. She looked up at him and briefly wiped off the bead of sweat drying on his forehead. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Everything’s gonna be okay.” Tony nodded and pulled his small family closer to him.

No, it was not gonna be alright, his restless and cruel brain told him. But seeing his small family here with him, he realized that even though things might not be okay, it didn’t mean that they were hopeless. The people who were with him were hope. So he would continue to endure and fight for that hope until things got better.

When midnight struck and they all had gone to their quarters to rest, Tony carefully released himself from Pepper’s embrace, as to not wake her up. He gently pressed a kiss to her forehead, before sitting up in bed. He tiptoed towards his lab.

He had been working on this secret project for a while, something he had resurrected from dusty, forgotten projects shoved in a back room. Admittedly, it was the result of his never-ending what-ifs about the future, and a deep desire to protect his family. He turned on the small portable generator sitting on the table. A steady hum softly resonated around him. The sound was comforting.

A glowing blue light cast the dimly lit lab in eerie shadows.

He stared down at the detachable miniature arc reactor.

Now, he wouldn’t have to worry about finding a stable power source for his nanotech, because the answer was in front of him. He had thought before that after his heart surgery, he was way past using the piece of technology that had ultimately saved his life. However, Tony had come to the realization that he could never get rid of the arc reactor, not when there were still fights to end and people to avenge. The arc reactor was the core and heart of Iron Man. As long as he was Iron Man, the arc reactor would be there too, a bittersweet reminder of his haunted past, and his chasm within.

Tony stared into the light, lost in thought.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Finally after 6 months? of this series being stagnant, here we go. Btw, i change the series name, if you haven't noticed yet, it's now called family ties. I would try to be active and update as much as possible. I have a lot of ideas in store for iron dad and spiderson and pepperony, i hope i would be able to write them all soon.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading! Tell me what you think on the comments section down below! To all of my unreplied comments, I would respond to you soon!


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